Another Day

What is today? Another day of being made to feel like crap for offenses that I haven't committed. How long do you think a person can feel so low and still have the will to live? I drag myself through everyday, and when I lay my head down on my pillow at night I'm surprised that I've made it. Now, I'm not saying I want to kill myself or anything of that matter, I just don't know how my body and mind can take feeling this way and still manage to be functional. Does everyone feel this way? I want to see a doctor to see if I actually have depression, anxiety, etc, but I feel like that is almost just a scapegoat. As if I'm trying to use it as an excuse for why my life isn't going the way I want it to. I want to go back to school, and I want to do great things with my life, but I just cannot ever seem to get my ducks in a line to do it. I need that little push of someone cheering me on, but I am more or less alone in this world. I have a mother and father, its not that they have passed on or anything, but I have to call them, I have to go see them, they don't go out of their way for me. I feel like it would be completely beyond their understanding if I asked them for help with anything other than simple stuff.. 

The First Post

With everything that is going on in my life right now, I just really need an outlet, and maybe this can be it. Being 22, I have moved away from home and from everything I knew and am living somewhere I really dont like surrounded by people I really don't know. I hate it. Everyone I meet thinks they can figure me out, understand me. Why is that? Why don't people know how intricate another person can be? Every day I am told by someone that I think this way, feel that way, and I have no idea how to tell them how wrong they are. As far as other people are concerned, I am a cheater, a bad friend, a liar, a whore, a party-er, etc. I am none of these things. I love my friends and would do anything for them, same with my boyfriend even if I have a hard time showing it.. I kinda hate parties, they never end well and the conversation usually sucks. I think sex is kinda weird and have tried to avoid it like the plague in the past so being a whore is kinda out of the question. And when I lie, I do it because I think it will help, but it usually just makes it worse. Nothing makes me more happy in this world than sitting at home on the sofa and reading a book with my cat curled up on my lap. I love education, I love learning. Most material things or the things, like partying, that I should be into really don't interest me. I guess my biggest downfall is that I enjoy human interaction. I love meeting new people, and I love talking to people. Its not to saying that I'm sleeping with them or anything like that, but you can learn so much from the people around you.. 

All I want is for my life to be heard from my point of view, and for someone to tell me I'm not all these things that people say I am.