Today is better, and yesterday was better too. I wont sit here and act like things are perfect, because they are far from it, but they are better. The weather was nice yesterday, and is nice and sunny again today. I love the sun, it puts me in a better mood. So today is a day I am at work. Since the weather is nice though, it seems people have better things to do then come into the store so I have been pretty dead all day. BLAH.

Another Day

What is today? Another day of being made to feel like crap for offenses that I haven't committed. How long do you think a person can feel so low and still have the will to live? I drag myself through everyday, and when I lay my head down on my pillow at night I'm surprised that I've made it. Now, I'm not saying I want to kill myself or anything of that matter, I just don't know how my body and mind can take feeling this way and still manage to be functional. Does everyone feel this way? I want to see a doctor to see if I actually have depression, anxiety, etc, but I feel like that is almost just a scapegoat. As if I'm trying to use it as an excuse for why my life isn't going the way I want it to. I want to go back to school, and I want to do great things with my life, but I just cannot ever seem to get my ducks in a line to do it. I need that little push of someone cheering me on, but I am more or less alone in this world. I have a mother and father, its not that they have passed on or anything, but I have to call them, I have to go see them, they don't go out of their way for me. I feel like it would be completely beyond their understanding if I asked them for help with anything other than simple stuff.. 

The First Post

With everything that is going on in my life right now, I just really need an outlet, and maybe this can be it. Being 22, I have moved away from home and from everything I knew and am living somewhere I really dont like surrounded by people I really don't know. I hate it. Everyone I meet thinks they can figure me out, understand me. Why is that? Why don't people know how intricate another person can be? Every day I am told by someone that I think this way, feel that way, and I have no idea how to tell them how wrong they are. As far as other people are concerned, I am a cheater, a bad friend, a liar, a whore, a party-er, etc. I am none of these things. I love my friends and would do anything for them, same with my boyfriend even if I have a hard time showing it.. I kinda hate parties, they never end well and the conversation usually sucks. I think sex is kinda weird and have tried to avoid it like the plague in the past so being a whore is kinda out of the question. And when I lie, I do it because I think it will help, but it usually just makes it worse. Nothing makes me more happy in this world than sitting at home on the sofa and reading a book with my cat curled up on my lap. I love education, I love learning. Most material things or the things, like partying, that I should be into really don't interest me. I guess my biggest downfall is that I enjoy human interaction. I love meeting new people, and I love talking to people. Its not to saying that I'm sleeping with them or anything like that, but you can learn so much from the people around you.. 

All I want is for my life to be heard from my point of view, and for someone to tell me I'm not all these things that people say I am.